I cheated... and got caught
Well.... yesterday my bf (now ex bf, probably), imma call him S, called me while I was at work and confronted me about cheating on him at a party I'd thrown about 3 weeks ago. I fessed up - I had slept with my coworker at said party. Save the slut-shaming; the story's not over yet. S had found out about my infidelity from one of his coworkers, I'll call her C. Now C is a close friend and romantic interest of my good friend, E. Immediately after S hung up on me, I called E to ask him how C had found out about me cheating. C wasn't at that party, but E was. I was incredibly upset, and then E explained what had happened.
E and C had a conversation via text the night before, during which C told E my bf was cheating on me. At which point E, who was drunk, told C what had gone on between me and my coworker.
Now... I couldn't stay pissed at E for very long, after all the entire situation was my own doing. However, I was, and still am EXTREMELY pissed at C. Whether or not S deserved to know about what had happened is beside the point - it's not her business and it wasn't her fucking call to make. I had my reasons for not telling S. I loved him very much, I regretted my decision and shortly after that party I broke up with him. Two days later he and I got back together. I thought maybe I could just put the past away, move on, and have a fresh start. Learn from my shitty decision and be a better person and gf because of it. Guess not... and you know, maybe I didn't deserve a second chance. I wouldn't blame S for hating me. I'm just baffled by the irony. See, S doesn't believe that I truly loved him and that I'm not a terrible person, I'm just a person who made a terrible mistake. He was pissed that I didn't tell him. Buuuut... he didn't tell me that he had led all his coworkers to believe he and I were in an open relationship. He didn't tell him he had hooked up with one of those coworkers - coworker, by the way, he had a history with. He decided to take the moral high ground and judge me. The both us deserve judgement, I suppose. The thing is, I would have loved if we could've talked about it. That when I confessed he could've confessed too. Maybe we could've worked through, gotten stronger, grown in our love. I would have chosen to forgive and try and understand why he had cheated. I believed him when he said he loved me. And after all we went through together, if he couldn't believe the same of me, maybe our relationship wasn't worth a damn to begin with. I dunno. Maybe we we're both good people, stuck in bad times. Maybe we could've been special and made each other happy, but the circumstances were just wrong. I don't think either of us deserve to be crucified. I just wish he and I could find away to accept what happened and remember each other and the time we had together fondly.
UPDATE: he didn't run out and cheat after he found out I had. He cheated while we were still just a happy couple.
ANOTHER UPDATE: I did cheat first. Then broke up. Got back together. He still didn't know. Then he cheated. Then he found out I cheated. Then I found out he did. I'm sorry I didn't piece this story together very well.
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