How are your partners handling your weight gain?

Question

This is my second pregnancy.  I've always been a bit of a twig.  With my first pregnancy, I put on 60lbs and it took about 9-10 months postpartum to shed the weight. This weight fluctuation tends to be the norm in my family, as my sister, mom and aunts have all done the same.

I'm now 21wks in and gave gained about 18 lbs.  A few days ago, my husband glanced and me and had a visible moment of slight disgust; I asked him what was the matter and he said, "oh nothing, I just have to get used to you being full figured again".  It caught me off guard but I didn't say anything at the time.   I mentioned casually to my husband over dinner last night that I'm hoping not to put on as much as last time, and he said, "yeah boo, I hope not; you got really big.  I mean you weighed more than I do." I'm now recalling comments he's made since I got pregnant about how I hopefully won't gain as much this time around since I'll be so busy chasing our toddler.

I know that he's not being outright mean and that it's probably awkward--even unpleasant--to watch your wife slowly transform into a beluga.  During my last trimester of our first pregnancy he barely even touched me, and didn't show any interest until several months after our child was born.  I'm now overthinking it all, and I am not happy; I'm suddenly becoming a lot more critical of my body instead of just rolling with it.

Any of you experience this? What'd you say, if anything?

Answer

So I'll be devils advocate here for a minute. Pregnancy isn't just hard on us and I feel like we are so overwhelmed with ourselves that we sometimes forget it's a lot for them, too.

Granted they may show it in some shitty ways 😜

Answer

I think the only time I've been small is right at my first wedding anniversary. My husband doesn't say anything about my weight but I know it bothers him. At the same time I've made it very clear that if he's unhappy there's a front and back door he can exit. My happiness will not rely on what he or anyone else thinks. When I lose weight I do it for me, my health. Your husband isn't being extremely mean but at the same time he's not thinking about your feelings. I would let him know without causing an argument that it does not have your best interests at heart to bring up your weight in a time when life is already stressful.

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Wtf? He IS being mean. What an absolutely horrible thing to say to the woman who is giving him HIS children.

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If my partner said anything like that to me, I'd honestly be devastated... 
Not cool bro!

I've been very down about my weight and my partner just tells me how beautiful I am and that I have a reason to be getting bigger. 
If he said anything other than that, I'd probably lock myself in the bathroom for the rest of my life!

Please try not to take his comments to heart any more than you have already, you've been growing a human. Your weight should be the last thing you're worrying about! 
If it takes you a month or a year to lose the weight or you don't lose it at all, no one has the right to bash your body like that...

Obviously if you were an unhealthy weight and it was dangerous, then by all means offer some constructive feedback and offer to help and keep you motivated. But this seems to have come from a superficial place and it's not right.

Lose the weight at your own pace and don't limit yourself food wise while you're cooking up a cutie pie in your tum!

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While you can't help what you're sexually attracted to, there is no reason to be anything other than supportive while your partner goes through such a huge transformation. There are other ways he can be encouraging and to show affection and whatnot. If my husband chose to speak to me this way I would knock his lights out. Don't do anything other than love your body right now mama! I struggle with this daily myself and can't wait to be able to exercise and eat like I want to again. But for now my body belongs to my growing baby and for that my husband couldn't adore me more. Sometimes they just need a kick in the right direction.

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That's one of those things my husband just knows better than to say out loud. He still tells me I'm beautiful about every other day and comes up behind me and puts his arms around my belly and all that kind of stuff. I'm sure he's not thrilled about me gaining weight but luckily he has the sense to stay positive lol

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I would be livid. That isn't right, with everything you're going through he should be supportive and understanding. My husband can't keep his hands off me. But it would be different if he was concerned about your health and gaining too much but he's obviously just worried about himself and what he finds attractive. If my husband ever made a comment like that I would tell him to go fuck himself.

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That's not ok.. your creating life weights gain is part of the process .My man is a little heavier and we always joke about our matching stretch marks lol he hasn't treated me any different in my pregnancy I've gained more than 40 pounds at 33 weeks . He should be telling you your beautiful no matter what size you are , your carrying his child . To me he sounds very shallow , and immature

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Wow I don't even know what to say! I'd be deeply hurt. I hope my husband knows better because I will deck him if he says anything about gaining too much. There's a person growing in there, so changes are going to happen. I'm so sorry he's said that to you, it's awful!!

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Wow! This is not something you should have to worry about. I hope things get better. Maybe look into counseling.