I don't want to move in together before marriage but he does?

Question

Okay so I'm 21 and he's 22 and we've been dating for about a year. We spoke about this before but he's telling me now that he doesn't think he can commit to marriage years from now unless we live together at some point beforehand. I don't really want to live with my partner before getting married. I know living together could be different but being that we are young id prefer to take vacations and just learn about someone completely. He has always said he'd want to marry me in the future and now there's this contingency and I'm not sure if it's something to break up over. Thoughts? I come from a family where everyone just dated and got married and bought a place together. His family is more lax so I could see why he thinks that.

Answer

Personally, id never marry someone with out living with them for a few years. Having lived with a few friends and a few significant others, I thoroughly believe you dont really know someone until you live with them. I dont think his mindset is unreasonable.

Answer

If that's what you want-- move in after getting married-- stick to it. I personally wouldn't want guys to "test drive" me before marrying me. How many do I need to test to see which one is the best? I honestly don't believe that if you love each other and treat each other with respect than you will divorce over who has to clean dishes or over him throwing socks in the living room... people didn't live together before marrying until recently, and divorce rates didn't go up until recently too... I don't think living together before marriage will decrease your chances of divorce. Stick to your beliefs

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You will NEVER know someone until you live with them. Your man is smart.

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I lived with my husband before we got married and I'm glad we did. It's different loving with someone vs dating them. You learn a lot about each other. My husband and his wife didn't leave with each other before marriage and we're divorcing before they were married a year because they couldn't handle each one at home.

Answer

You don't have to follow what people say just because they say it or it's worked for them. Follow what you want. Come to a comprise. Maybe not live together but say you'd move into his place when married spend as much time there as possible. Not necessarily sleep over but spend time together doing house things. Grocery shopping, setting up the living room etc. Drive there in the mornings for breakfast (or vice versa) on the weekends. Do house things together (and go on holidays together if you want) to get to know the person even more. You don't have to move in together to know if he'll treat you right and he's a good man.

Answer

I think it's perfectly reasonable to want to wait until you're married to live together. Cohabiting before marriage wasn't the norm until recently, after all. There's nothing wrong with wanting to save some special things for after you've made the ultimate commitment. You don't have to live together to get a good idea about each other's living habits and find out things that might be a deal breaker. Everyone is different, but if this is something you feel strongly about, that's perfectly fine! You and your guy should definitely be talking about this now, so keep the conversation going.

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Had I done this I would have married my hs sweetheart and been soooo terribly disappointed. I was head over heels for him, we got engaged at 18 with every intention on following through...then we lived together. I thank my lucky stars everyday for that experience because it really opened my eyes.

I'm now with my SO of 8 years and we have 2 beautiful boys. I definitely think you don't know somebody until you live with them.

Answer

Do what you feel is right.  But I met my husband when we were both 17, we went to different schools.  We bought a house together at 20 and didn't get married til 23. Me personally I didn't want to get married until we lived together a year.  I feel ppl act different or are shy the first years of dating and if you really want to know what some one is like or acts when alone then live with them.  Me and husband are now 34 ttc#1.

Answer

You are just going to have to reiterate the fact that you will not move in before marriage. I do not see what the problem is? He should have told you this beforehand. Are you engaged?

Answer

Don't have a child or get married WITHOUT moving in together for at least a year first.

I don't want to move in together before marriage but he does?

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