Baby was born at 28+1 after a week in the hospital with PPROM. Overall she is doing great at now 33 weeks adjusted with pretty much no complications. I feel like I'm missing/mourning my pregnancy, but at the same time I feel guilty for being ok with not having to go through what seems like would have been the worst parts of pregnancy (third trimester with laboring a full size baby). Then again, I'm also missing out on the whole pregnancy experience.

The other weird thing is from day 1 being confined to the hospital until birth I haven't been too worried about the outcome of all this. Husband kept waiting for it to hit me. I think he gave up or forgot.

I had decided not to be the pessimist person I usually am, and surprisingly have been able to pull off this optimistic thing. So far everything has gone really well except that I should still be pregnant until June. My husband on the other hand is super worried. Like says one of us has to be close by at all times in case something bad happens. Understandable if one of us has to be reachable via phone, but close by? What would we be able to do in case of an emergency? She's already in the hospital... I'm glad to not be as worried as him, but add that to my feeling bad that I'm not more worried. I don't think I'm delusional that everything is just great because it's not. I can just only deal with the now and right now nothing is going wrong. It's going exactly how the doctors say what is normal for her age.

It also feels strange like I'm just a guest visiting what is actually my baby in the NICU everyday. I didn't picture this for my first pregnancy, but who would. I think I'm more concerned about having to do this again when we try to have another baby. Even if I do go full term how will I keep my mind off being early again and stressing myself out?

I'm not a fan of these feelings. Overall I'm not sad or upset, but generally upbeat and of course tired as hell because recovery is way more intense than I thought it would be. This isn't even the hard part as these feelings are nothing compared to the ones I will probably get when she comes home later.

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