Feeling

I'm a mom to a beautiful 15 month old baby and I'm also a wife to a man who gets on my nerves but he's amazing nonetheless. I had a period a month after having my son and then nothing until he was 14 months old which was a month ago. I've been bleeding excessively at times and then slow at other but no cramping. I'm so hormonal, and on top of that I feel like I'm a horrible mom. The stress, you know? I felt a lump on my breast a week ago and didn't think anything of it but I called my doctor when it was still there. I now have to get checked. I'm terrified. Absolutely terrified. I also have a swollen neck and I can't pinpoint if I'm getting sick or what but I'll bring that up when I talk to the doctor. I lay awake at night crying. Just crying about everything. I try to get ahold of my best friend but she doesn't answer. I haven't told anyone except my husband but I don't want to burden him so I simply don't tell him everything or cry in front of him.  It's getting to the point where I feel so alone and I'm tired.