Devil's advocate

I'm recently switched over to this app from another tracker. The community here intrigues me, and makes me ANGRY. One after another, I have read notes from y'all describing situations where signs of depression have built up over time in your (male) partner, along with the description of how you (women) responded. Many of these include descriptions of you also experiencing symptoms of stress or anxiety, which came first? Are they related to the C word (cheating)?
THEN you come here and probably everywhere else, when, in desperation to feel SOMETHING other than your scorn (for sitting around and playing games, for not being fit or active, for not going on dates, for behaving like a depressed human being, for crissake) from a woman - they seek out the thrill of a new partner. It is cheating because he lied, hid it, and had said other things. Would it be cheating if he had asked your permission, BEFORE he began a fling or relationship, or (gasp) a one night stand?
Do y'all recognize depression? Do you care about your men's emotional health BEFORE they cheat? Don't get me wrong - I'm not condoning cheating. 
I might be, however, condemning the narrative of helpless victim when the "other woman" was clearly not your first sign that something was up with the person who is supposed to be closest to you. 
Helping our men be stronger, emotionally, and not afraid to talk with us because we will hate them for being open and honest. But first, we must examine within ourselves what it is that we value. Is it our control over them, or our partnership? I mean seriously, y'all are real pieces of work, and if I see nothing but more support and praise for the victim mentality, I'm sure not going to feel welcome in these discussions... 
Oh! And if he is a Christian man, reminding him that his actions flew in the face of a promise he took in front of his Lord and Savior probably isn't going to help except for reminding him how horrible of a sinner he must be, and how unkind you are - a pretty awful thing to hear if you're depressed, even the church hates you, it's not just your wife! 
Love is the answer - even if you do so by leaving (by loving you, and not dealing with that is also likely loving him, yes, get out if you are consistently getting lied to or abused - but do we have to throw around so much self centered emotionally retarded hate for the men we have shared some part of our lives with?