I'm 18 and growing up I was badly abused by my mom and my dads ex wife my step mom and my moms always been really in and out of my life she's mentally ill and so hitting and screaming and all that was her thing. See within the last like year or so she's started being nice. She's finally in therapy and she's getting married soon. December I kicked her out of my life because she tried to control me and talked bad about my dad and all that but now I'm at the point that I do want a mom in my life especially since I'm going to start going to singles ward (I'm Mormon) but I am tired of her hurting me and always leaving but at the same time I do want some sort of relationship with my mom. We texted a bit yesterday but I told her I wasn't ready to talk yet I think I might be and today I typed her a message but couldn't get myself to send it. I don't know what I should do...