I really need to vent and maybe hear some words of encouragement. Sorry this post will be long.
I'm 21 and I'm 5 months pregnant and I live with my daughters father. The day I found out I was pregnant I was planning on moving out bc me and him really don't get along and I was tired of it. (We've been together 2 years). When I saw the BFP I decided to stay and try to make it work but it's just not working ! I go to school full time and I wasn't working bc when we made this arrangement he promised to support me and help me with anything I needed (I know that's my first mistake on depending on someone). I have money saved up and I could move if it was just me but I also have to have money to support my daughter and have things ready for her.
It's to the point now where I don't speak to him and I told him I don't want to be with him but he still tries to act like we are a couple (but only when it's convenient for him).
I'll give you guys an example of what I go through. For the past 3 nights he's been waking up and turning on the room light at 4 am ... for what seems to be no reason. When I explain to him that that's rude and ask him not to do that bc I have to up for school at 7 he says okay but he atill keeps doing it. Today he did it again .. I didn't say anything. Then at 6 he started playing music LOUDLY so I left the room and slept on the floor in the living room. As soon as I got to sleep he came out and started "washing dishes" and washing clothes! Finally I snap bc I'm tired and he's just being rude and he says I'm being complicated bc I asked for sleep ... so now we are arguing and I'm screaming (every time I scream he says I'm going to lose the baby even though the reason I'm yelling is bc he acts so obnoxious). In the midst of arguing he says this is why guys shoot girls and I lost it ! I told him that's why I don't want my daughter to be alone with him bc he's supper violent and the comment was uncllaed for. He said I'm a bitch and I'm using the baby as a weapon bc I'm mad at him which isn't true bc I want my daughter to have a dad but I also want her to be safe. I've called the cops on him for shoving me while pregnant but I dropped the charges bc I felt bad. There's holes in our walls and many broke things. I don't feel like my daughter should be around this either now nor when she is born.
I'm really trying my hardest to avoid stress but even when I'm not talking to him we still somehow argue. I'm worried about my baby. I feel her moving but I just keep thinking she going to have developmental issues. I'm embarrassed to talk to my family about this. And I just don't know what to do. I've been doing applications for night jobs so I can have money and move out. I'm just sad and I honestly think I may even be depressed. I'm afraid of having PPD bc I know I'll be doing this alone. Anyone else been in abusive relationships while pregnant? What did you do?