Disheartened today:( need support

Think af is showing 8 months ttc..have some spotting I'm sooo sad
My bf says stay positive till I "really" start.  I need to change my diet, quit smoking for good..I've tried and tried really have..want to try fertility blend.  I have met the right man just want this so bad..I'm ready now.  More than ever and I'm bawling cause I was 2 days late and thought this was the month and he was so excited for 5 days:( he doesn't have any children and I have 2..sorry venting now I have to move on and reset my mind prepare my body..and soul.  Trying to stay positive but need today to grieve I guess