Please Give Me Hope

I'm very confused and very lonely. Does anyone else feel like they weren't mentally and emotionally prepared for their early 20's? I'm so overwhelmed that I can barely breathe. I want it to stop. I want it all to stop. I don't want to die but god damn, I don't know if I want to live. Please give me hope. I feel far too small and weak for this world. Between an exhausting job that now wants me to go full time, going to a trade school that was basically a money trap, and being in an emotionally exhausting relationship.,.plus all the OTHER SHIT like money issues and body image anxiety...I'm afraid of living any longer. But I don't have the courage to die.
I hate suicide, my brother committed suicide AND  my lifelong friend commuted suicide. I hate it and I won't do it, but I hate how tempting if is, and I can't get the thought out of my head.

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