hate it :(

After I have been treated like shit for 4 years in my abusive relationship - isn't easy leaving a toxic one.
I just hate sleeping with my girlfriend .. I can't stand it.. it makes me cringe .. she's cheated and lied and whatever not through out our relationship.. I can go months without sleeping with her .. 
but it's so hard leaving cause she never lets me and she has borderline personality and also bi polar which is undiagnosed ..
Anyone else been in similar situation?