I talked to my boyfriend today ... about mental health

In August of 2015 , I went through the hardest time of my life. After a miscarriage , a broken foot and not being able to work ... I became severely depressed. At that time I didn't know how to handle it or deal with it . All I heard others say is talk about it , you don't have to do this alone . It's a part of who you are , embrace it. All things that work for some ... and not for others. I attempted to talk to my support system around me ... my mother , my boyfriend , my friends ... I talked and talked and talked about it and nothing got better . I then started to realize when other people made me feel special , I felt better . I consumed my life with my mental health . I became my depression ... I used it as a crutch to get sympathy and to get attention . It turned me into someone who was emotionally abusive and unstable .  attention made me feel better momentarily so  I thought it was other people's responsibility to fix it . Since when I get attention I felt better , it meant my depression had to be their fault , I'm just not getting enough attention . Boy was I wrong . Eventually my boyfriend broke up with me after trying everything in his power to get me to seek help . After he left is when I started to get help . I eventually got to a place where I felt better . And I can say I was better . Fast forward to now . Again, I'm going through my depression . My boyfriend (yes we are back together) noticed I'm not as motivated . I'm not as happy and I keep to myself more . He asked me about it tonight . He told me I should talk about it because I shouldn't deal with it alone . I have a support system and I should use it . Instead of talking about my depression ... I talked about why I don't want to talk about it . I felt like that's all I talked about before . I let it consume me . I identified myself with it . This time I refuse to do that . When I talk about it , i let it get to me , I let it invade me , I let it hurt me . When I don't talk about it , I separate it from my life . I've gone as far as giving my depression another name ... I refuse to identify with my depression . My depression is a part of my life, just like a negative person that's hard to get rid of ... but it is not me . I don't have to listen to it ... when it tells me I should call in to work because I am sad ... I say no . I get up and go . I am in control of my life . Not my depression . Not anyone else . With this mindset I beat it every day . It still effects me and if I feel like I need to talk about it ... I will . Just because I don't vocalize it, doesn't mean I ignore it ... I'm dealing with it but I'm making it my own responsibility, not anyone one else's this time . I'm not letting it win . I am I'm control . I am strong and this will not destroy me .