Just need to rant...I fucking HATE my ex, and I really don't like using that word but oh my gosh I do. Whenever I think about the relationship it makes me naesuous, angry, & resentful. In my freshman year I dated a senior (I know, I was naive and had uninvolved parents) and when we met, I was 14 and he was 17. First of all, why the fuck would a senior want to be with a freshman? I was so naive and thought he was "different" than the others but he was actually 100x worse. First of all, we started dating literally a month into knowing each other when he added me on Facebook. THAT IS SO SKETCHY. A few months into the relationship (I'm now 15 and he's now 18 at this point), he started asking questions about what I was comfortable with. At first I thought it was so cute how he cared about my feelings but he honestly didn't. I was so innocent and literally did not even know what masturbation was for girls. He KNEW very well that I believed in abstinence because of my Catholic faith. And he knowingly took advantage of it. First it started with fingering which I didn't even know what the fuck it was. Then, four months later, he had asked to have sex. I kept saying no because it went against my beliefs of sex before marriage and I was already going against my religion by letting him finger me/giving into him asking for blow/handjobs. We didn't actually have sex until a few months later because when he had pressured me, I ended up being too scared (and his selfish self barely cared and made it a pity party for himself). We had sex two times even though I told him I didn't want to, and I gave in because he made me feel terrible about saying no. "You don't love me enough", "You're probably a lesbian", "You're so mean and cruel to me", etc. Keep in mind that he is an adult and I am 15. After the first time, I broke down in complete, utter tears and told him that this was wrong. He was like "ok, its fine" but a few days later HE TRIED AGAIN. He never cared about my feelings and I was so stupid for thinking he did. He went on a rant about how all I cared about was the church, that they're so judgemental, etc. Btw, he told me he was a Christian when he met and said he respected abstinence. I was the one who broke up with him a few months after that last tearful encounter. In my state, what he did was rape. I wasn't even old enough to consent. Making matters worse, the age of consent is also raised to 18 in my state if the victim is "of a chaste life."

I also resent my mom so, so much for this because she should have known better than to let an innocent, naive freshman girl to sleepover her senior boyfriends house. It makes me so sad, upset, and angry that this was allowed to happen. I still want to live a chaste life but I honestly feel corrupted from him. I've accepted the fact that I was raped but it still hurts me. Sorry just had to rant..

Not to mention the fact that my grades dipped. Term 1 of freshman year I had a 4.0 GPA with all advanced/honors classes. After I met him, he consumed all of my time, which is definitely more on my fault. This year I have a 4.4 GPA and it makes me so upset that my overall GPA is held back because of the mistakes I made with him Freshman year. 😪