in laws selfish or am I just being emotional?

Question

Little back story: I have two step chidlren and I gave birth to my first in november. So I'm really funny with my baby because he is my first. Plus once my husband got out of the military he wanted to move back to his hometown and us being married it was divorce or move with him because he refused to move to my hometown. So now I'm 1,000 miles away with just inlaws. My son is about six months old and my in laws I feel like want to hog him. I don't like leaving him often and they beg us to let him stay with them and if we don't let him stay they always throw a fit when I don't want to leave him. They always complain they don't see him enough. They get to see him almost every one to two weeks. It might not be for more than 10 minutes sometimes, but they see him. What kills me is I have my whole family 1,000 miles away that has only seen my son once since he has been born and it kills me that my family can't see my son. Plus when it came time to explain to my husbands mom that I was going to have my son call her Nana Dina (because my mom likes to be called nana as well) and I want my son to learn the difference and I don't want him growing thinking he has one nana; his mom didn't like that plan. And just calls herself nana. I  literally cry over it all the time that my family is missing so much of my sons life.  My husband just realized how much it kills me that my family isnt around. I always want to tell them off because they never even ask how my family is or put into consideration that my son has another family he doesn't get to see. It just takes so much out of me to share my son because I feel so guilty my family doesn't know my son.

Answer

I think it was selfish of your hubby to give you an ultimatum like that and not try to find a middle ground. I'm glad he's now realizing how much you miss you're family. Maybe take a trip with baby back home and see your family for a few weeks.

Answer

They get to see their grandchild for 10 minutes every one to two weeks? That doesn't sound like much. You don't have to leave your baby with them but go out for a day with them somewhere, swimming, wildlife park, etc so they can spend some quality time with him. It's a shame you're not closer to your family but it sounds like because your family can't see him neither can your in laws. Sorry if I've read what you've said the wrong way but I know my in laws would be over every day if they could to see my daughter as they just love being grandparents.

Answer

Why do your inlaws have to ask about your parents or be considerate that they live 1000 miles away? That's your issue with your husband. His parents have nothing to do with that. I understand it's hard being far from your family but it seems like your taking it out on your inlaws to an extent. Be grateful your son has grandparents that are around & want to be part of your life. You should have your folks come for a visit or take the baby for a visit.

Answer

I would love for any grandparents to beg to watch my kids. I always feel like I ask my parents and they act put out so we only ask when we desperately need someone when we have to work a weekend day. Which means we hardly ever have any alone adult time.

I think you are being a little selfish with your kid because of how you feel about your family being far away. The truth of the matter is they aren't going to be around him as much, but keeping him from the family he does have the ability to be around is kind of mean. Think about how you would feel if it was your family you lived close to would you only let your family see him for 10 mins every couple of weeks? My guess is no. My mom is our neighbor and she sees my kid almost every day even if it's just a quick hi. My husbands family lives far away and the fact is he is closer to my family, but he face times and skypes my husbands entire family and we take trips when we can afford it so he can see them. Also the whole nana thing is silly.  If you and your husband call her nana Dina you should also call your mom nana "name". Your child will follow your lead.

With anything please put your feelings aside and put your child's best interests first.

Answer

Once every one or two weeks? For only ten minutes sometimes? How about you go over more often and hang around with them and the baby and teach them exactly what they can and can't do. Is the house unsafe or a bad environment? My mother in law wants to see my son every 4 days at LEAST. And always wants to take him shopping or wants to watch him at her house. I love it because she is awesome with him and it really gives me a break to get groceries, clean, or just nap since I'm always alone with the baby.

Answer

My patents live in another country and miss their granddaughter. One of the things that I do to help them feel involved is using a cloud-connected picture frame. I can upload pictures remotely so they can always see her growing and developing. We also use a google photos album that I update almost every day with photos and little videos.

Answer

Honestly, everything you just said, I would tell them to their face. Not sure how old you are or how confrontational, but you need to set boundaries NOW bc you dont have your family to back you up and apparently your husband doesn't either. 
When it comes to our son, my husband and I are in agreement and his or my family does not have a say. They have all learned to keep their opinions to themselves unless we ask. The whole Nana thing is totally understandable and explain you feelings straight up. If she had a problem with it, he's your son and you can certainly limit the time spent if she can't respect your wishes. Also, tell them they should be grateful they get to see him so much, while your family can't. They're being self centered. Stand your ground, you have to bc no one else will for you and your son.

Answer

My partners mother lives in another country. We Skype every day and I send her photos on FB

in laws selfish or am I just being emotional?

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