please I need help w/ this

I got an abortion...😭(the saddest and longest experience I have gone through) but because of this I no longer see the world the same I can't hold a baby I can't see little kids (it just makes me so sad and depressed but the only reason I don't cry is because the anger I hold for my mom ) I think this abortion has changed me more mentally than anything. When I get real sad I hear a baby cry while I'm crying 😭 I need help and opinions.!please