Sex & Relationships
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Husband can't accept my new "fat" body UPDATED
I am 33 weeks and I have gained just under 30 lbs so far, so I am feeling pretty good! I started out a bit overweight, but my midwife is not concerned since I eat mostly very healthy and exercise every day. MOST of my weight is in my belly and boobs, but I gained a bit in my thighs and face, too, as expected. Of course I am a little self-conscious and I have never been even close to this big in my life, but I also feel so powerful! Before we started TTC my husband said that being pregnant with his child would make him worship the ground I walk on (his words) and now I am learning that that was an empty promise. It's obvious that his sexual attraction to me is dwindling, but I still very much desire and enjoy sex. Before the weight gain we had sex basically every other day, only ever going MAYBE two weeks without it here and there. It was awesome sex, too. Now, I have to beg for it and he basically tries to finish as fast as possible, so I get about five minutes of sex once every week or two. It's killing my self-esteem and taking away intimate time with him. We go to therapy together and the therapist even said he needs to find ways to be interested in me and make me feel good, but my husband hasn't taken any of the advice - he just asks for more blow jobs! I said he wouldn't get oral sex until I get oral sex, which I haven't received in over two months (and my husband used to say he loves my pussy and loves to eat it). Yesterday I had a very candid conversation with him about the fact that we won't get to have sex for six weeks after birth and I would really like to enjoy what we can while we can. He just shrugged. I also said that I know I don't look the same, but I hoped he could see past that since I will likely just get less attractive as time goes on. He said, "I know, and I just keep getting sexier..." which made me feel even shittier. I had previously asked that he get me a gym membership after I recover from birth, so I reminded him that I will be working on my body but that I doubted it would ever be the same again. He said, "Well, you have until next summer. That's long enough, right, for you to get back in shape?" WTF? I had to hold back tears. I said it hurt that he is imposing deadlines on me, especially since my body has already changed in ways that are irreversible (like stretch marks). After that it was just awkward silence and me feeling terrible. I never thought he was the kind of person to care so much about my looks but now it is obvious and I really don't need this added stress on my plate. What should I do? This is making me feel so worthless...😥
UPDATE: After writing this I decided I would try again to talk to my husband before he heads out for the day. I pointed out that since our last therapy session on Tuesday (it's Saturday, so just under a week), not only has he not taken any of the advice but he has also done the opposite by making hurtful comments since then. He listened, held me and gave me lots of kisses, but I really think he just doesn't get it. I told him that the therapist had said he needs to compliment me and he hasn't, and my husband said, "Sure I have!" so I said, "when and what did you say?" Silence. I then repeated some of the hurtful things he had said. He seemed to realize that he was being shitty so he said he would try again right now. He took several minutes to think and said, "thank you for spending time with me yesterday." I said that was better but still wasn't really a compliment. I asked him to tell me something he likes about me. He said, "I like your big fat tits!" 🤦♀️ He is trying, but seriously this is nothing like he was even a few months ago. He used to easily shower me with compliments and now it is a struggle for him to find anything nice to say. Has anyone had this issue and then worked through it? What did you do? I am not going to leave my husband during what is obviously a high-stress, new experience for both of us. We have worked through harder issues and they always take time, I just never expected him to suddenly start caring about my physique when it has always been a non-issue, even when I gained weight before pregnancy.