As of yesterday I've lost 2 babies in less than 18 months...Please believe I'm not seeking a pity party because nothing no one can say or do ease or take away the pain I feel like someone has stabbed me in the heart and keeps twisting the knife...I keep asking what is so wrong with me? What did I do so bad in life that I would have to go through this again? I don't smoke, I don't do drugs, I don't drink except a glass of wine maybe once a month, I don't go out, I don't even take any medication on a daily for any kind of health conditions, I'm a little overweight but who the hell isn't anymore...I know women who don't even like kids have children, I know women who who get pregnant and abort babies like it's nothing, I know women who get pregnant and give their kids away like their passing out candy, I know women who smoke their whole pregnancy and have babies, I know women who are alcoholics and have babies, I know women who smoke weed their whole pregnancy and have babies, I know women who popped or snorted pills their whole pregnancy and have babies, I know women who smoked crack their whole pregnancy and have babies, I know of women who use heroine and have babies and I'm pretty sure some sick twisted women is having a baby just to later be on the damn news for abuse BUT NOT ME all I get is hurt, pain and emptiness...I'm supposed to pick up after this and keep going??? Really...Oh I know I'm supposed to pray?? Well I did and I asked and begged to please not allow me to feel the same pain I did the last time, I asked to please let me have a full term pregnancy, please let my baby grow and be healthy but I didn't get that I got the opposite...Judge me I don't care no one can say anything to hurt me more than I already feel...Keep your I'm sorry's because how can you even be sorry for something you didn't do or cause, Keep those prayers I don't think I want them...Everyone will go on with lives while I sit here stuck...It's like a cruel, sick and crazy game you can have a baby oh no I changed my mind give me that back you can't have it...It's like an awful awful prank that I have to live with...I'm so angry I don't know what to do