How the Lion Loved the Lamb...

Man, you hurt me. No I shouldn't even say man- scratch that. Boy*. A violent boy, a manipulative boy,

a scary monster.

A ferocious lion,

Keeping captive, a lamb.

You are like ones I've only heard about on Lifetime or reading survival stories and thinking these women weren't smart for staying with these horrible monsters- "just leave, just call the police, what are you doing??"

- but my opinion was dead wrong. You are smart you are intelligent and THAT is your downfall for this situation.

Thinking one will change- or YOU can change them. Thinking they'd been hurt, having a level of understanding as to why they hurt you. Overall loving them no matter what they say, no matter how hard they strike you, whether it's with words or rough hands.

You raped me, I was in a deeply drugged state with my own medicine. I take medicine that knocks me out every night, making me a zombie puppet, and warned you the first time I was sleeping over your cold tiny musky house that I would be like that after taking my nightly doses.

But I guess that was a green light for you, and boy was it hard for me to sleep.

I remember the pain in my arm the most while I was under. The sounds were so loud, because your house was so still. Every move every single motion or grab all of it had screaming noises.

*** I still have pictures of the bruises I found in the morning where you viciously dug your thumb into my upper arm to prop my body in just the right places for you.

I hated myself for so many reasons. I hated the fact that I had to be on medication that did this, hated that I trusted you, hated that I was awake but couldn't move or speak or open my eyes. I wouldn't hear the end of it from my own brain, until I snapped some sense into myself.

But leading up to this-

You hit me, you snapped at me, you scared my friends and made them want to leave my company, you controlled what I ate, who I spoke to

how I spoke

when I could speak

when I could eat

there were always repercussions slaps snaps verbal abuse

you made me pay for your food and supplies and you were so much BIGGER than me



Fuck you for making me hate myself. My body. For feeling guilty about something that was not my fault.

Oh, and when I wanted plan B after what you did, you took my car.

And that's how much the Lion needed the lamb.

((ANON but you can comment if you'd like to talk to me personally I'd be happy to, I'm sure you understand.))

((**I'm no longer with him and, after a very hard period of time due to his persistence, I finally got him out of my life.))

((There's also a part two so let's see what this gets first. So much love.))