Last summer I turned 21 and needed to make my first visit to an obgyn. I've never been sexually active so Pap smears and STI tests never seemed necessary. I was nervous; I have some issues with being touched by strangers, especially when I can't see them doing so. I psyched myself up, deciding that this was a necessary part of adult life. 

After over an hour and a half waiting for the doctor (40 minutes of that shivering naked in a hospital gown), she showed up rushed. She explained everything I already knew about (birth control and what an effing ultrasound is) and skirted around what actual procedures would be happening that day. She didn't believe me when I said I wasn't sexually active and was generally offputting to deal with. I should have gotten up and left. 

I mentioned to the doctor that I don't really like being touched, and she said it wouldn't be a problem. When she checked my breasts for lumps it was very obvious I was on the verge of a panic attack. I told her multiple times that I was uncomfortable and therefore having to control my squirming. She was obviously unhappy with me and had very little patience. Then she announced that it was time for my exam and I said I needed more time. She responded by putting my legs in the stirrups without my permission, the nurse with her saying "we don't have all day". I begged the nurse to go find my mom in the waiting room. 

Without telling me what they would be doing or what was going on, they began my exam. More than broken bones and near concussions, this was the most physically painful moment of my life. The woman forced more fingers inside me than would fit while I was stressed; I asked her to stop and all she would say was "we're almost done, it wouldn't hurt so much if you would calm down." Eventually all my body could do was scream at the top of my lungs hoping someone would help me. No one did. 

When it was over, I managed to get my legs out of the stirrups, curl into a ball, and all I could say was "please stop" for several minutes. I was obviously shaking and I'm full panic. The doctor patted my arm on her way out, said "I already stopped before that last outburst sweetie" in a patronizing tone and left. After I finally stopped shaking and my mom helped me get dressed, I left the exam room and wasn't able to speak or make eye contact with anyone for at least 20 minutes. People were staring at me in the halls, whispering about my apparent overreaction. 

Honest to God I have flashbacks about this incident and I'm not making it up. I don't know what can be done about it. I want that office to have mandatory sensitivity training. I want to warn people. But I've never had any other exams and I don't know what's normal. My mom didn't stop the exam, so I'm worried that I'm just a weird, wimpy person. All I know is that I never want to have another exam done again.

Was my experience normal?