need help now

Plz comment I'm so scared! I can't go back to the hospital it's been over a year I can't go back I'm so fricken scared I'm only 13 but it's happening again I have so many things wrong with me! I have OCD deporession axiety panic attacks conversion disorder pandis this is just my mentle problems I have hoshimotos a kidney disorder I'm in so many meds I'm so scared I really can't go back I've already been to Rodgers memorial hospital and inpatient mentle health care facility and children's three times in the Phyc ward I'm starting to get my hulutionations and my voices and the urge to pound on myself every time I go somewhere I kinda think of bad things I'm so scared to tell my mother bug my compulsions are coming back I'm so good at hiding it but my blood pressure is going up and she thinks it's from my birth control pills maybe it is but I'm so scared I wanna be normal I want this all to end I can't stop biting my lips till they bleed but I do it in the back of my mouth so they can't be seen I keep picking and eating my skin from the bottom of my feet I can't hear things I'm not crazy I have so many friends I go to a physiatrist and a therapist but I really can't go back to the hospital I have seen so many things that a girl my age should not have seen I've had three surgeries I've seen people crying in pain people being restrained people cutting people threatening others and people hurting others I'm terrified to tell my parents cause I don't want this plz comment I'm so scared I'm not crazy right????