Ever since I was little, I've always been so unc nfortable talking about guys and looking at them. I've always told myself that it was just because I'm focused on my career and I prefer for mature guys and would wait to date until I'm older, but recently I've realized that it's something different. I had feelings for my bestfriend towards the end of our relationship, but I didn't really realize it was love until 4 months after she moved away. I didn't even realize that I had feelings for her in the first place, I just thought I was in love with her "as a friend". I'm probably going to stay in the closet for a long time because I live in a place where different people aren't accepted and most people are homophobes. I'm a very girly person so most people who don't know that well would be surprised. I'm struggling so much because I love my religion and feel like a disappointment and a monster for what I've felt for years. I have tried so hard to stop liking girls but I can't.  I hate it so much. Can somebody help me to accept who I am?