So I'm religious so I'm gonna mention that in here or you don't like it quit reading now please.

So my baby is 6 weeks now. I have another baby she's 3 years old. I used to have anger issues to where I was taking medication. But I quit taking them when my daughter was 1 years old. I still struggled with my anger issues but it was less. Well I've been dealing with PPD now since baby was about a week old. My SO works all day so when he gets home he just sleeps and he's such a heavy sleeper the baby's cries won't wake him up not even me shaking him because I want him to read or change the baby at night. So it's all me literally. He changes maybe a diaper a week No joke. Anyways so yeah between doing that and Chasing my daughter and cleaning every mess she made I've already been feeling stressed. To top it off my SO expects me to have the house completely clean and dinner ready for him when he gets home. The baby has colic a lot and he always wants to be breastfeeding like literally lasts hours on my breasts and not even an hour between feeding. (Yes he's actually drinking no it's not just for comfort he will cry his ass off of hunger if I take him off early) so I have0pol no time for anything. I eat once a day if I'm lucky. Becuase being so upset all the time takes my hunger away. I have been not paying attention to my daughter anymore. I've been getting so angry with her. I feel like shit but I can't stand it. She just always is pushing my buttons. I get after her and she starts saying sorry mommy a billion times. I'll feel like shit I cry everytime but I can't hold it back. I wanna kill myself some days because I feel like they're better off without me. Anytime both of them cry at the same time I have to pray. I pray so much to not hurt myself or them. But the other day I snapped. I hadn't eaten in 2 days and she got me mad so I spanked her. I had never hit her before so she looked at me with the saddest eyes ever. I regretted it instantly. I'll never hurt my kids because I love them soo much. I'll NEVER hurt them but just the thought of it hurts my heart and soul. I don't know what to do anymore. Throw work on top of all that stress. I keep denying I have PPD but I don't know what else to say. My daughter is my world. At first it was just me and her alone. A single teen mom because I was raped. I'm pro life so I couldn't get rid of her. She's my everything guys. I don't want to be a bad mom to her. I have a Dr appointment coming up and I don't know how to ask him for help. I'm scared they will call me crazy or take my kids away from me. Like I said I'll never hurt them and I haven't except for that spank. But I'm still scared they will take them.