I don't want any judgement (I get that enough when I try to talk about this to family or friends) I just need to get this out there for myself I guess. So this is my body. I've struggled with it for a long time. Actually as long as I can remember. If you haven't hated your reflection then you might not completely understand. I've battled with the use of laxatives for a couple years but have stopped in the last two. As of this week I have stopped using a calorie counting app that I have been addicted for for about five years now. I can't get myself to delete it yet but I'm working towards it. I'm currently skipping my workout tonight and it's killing me. My anxiety is through the roof. My mind won't stop with the typical "you're gonna get fat if you skip it" "you shouldn't have eaten so much if you knew you weren't gonna work out" "your husband isn't gonna be attracted to you" "if you don't work out and you get pregnant you're gonna be gross after and he definitely won't want you and will find someone hotter". Let me tell you that my husband does nothing but love and encourage me. He never makes me feel like any of that will happen. It has nothing to do with him. But this is my brain. This is what it does best. This is my anxiety. And this is my body.