7 Years Of Being Molested 😔...Ive Kept This In For Soo Long Its Emotional Even Posting This Anonymously.Never Really Had The Strength To Open Up About It

To this day it still haunts me and i try to do everything possible to stop the thoughts of it.It started when i was 5.my mother was married to a sex crazed son of a bitch who didnt look at me as a step daughter but sexual prey when he couldnt have sex with my mother.The first time i ever got molested my mother was gone and i didnt feel like waiting on her to take me a bath so i took my own bath .i had the door cracked good enough to where no one could see me .the bastard heard me taking a shower and came in the bathroom and start bathing me .all i did was look him upside his head like wtf are you doing.when he git done bathing me he took me into my mothers room and took my towel from around me layed me on the bed and put a pillow over my face and started rubbing my vagina with his dick and started humping the outside of my vagina .when it was over i went in my room and put clothes on like nothing ever happened.after that day he started being a little to playful with me after that when my mom would be home and i would always yell telling him to stop and my mother would suspect something and would ask me in private was he doing something to me and i would day no but my mother knew for a fact something was going on.there would be times my mother would be at home upstairs sleep and i would be downstairs watching tv and he would come down there and do things to me.it got so bad at one point .he would take videos of him doing what he did to me and watch me through the crack of the door while i would be showering.he would even suck on my breast.i was only a little kid and now that im older i think back on how someone could be so sick to do that to a little child.when there would be rape stories on the news he would always play like it was wrong and there are some sick people of there and he was the blackest pot calling the kettle black.but one day the most shocking thing happened.i had kept what was happening to me in for so many years til the day came where my mother finally found out.she went through his phone one night and saw some videos that he took of me.she didnt know it was me at first until she notice one minute i had on clothes and when my body showed back up in the video i had no clothes on and she saw that it was her bed in the video.nithing showed in the video but my private part and his private part touching mine.it was late at night when my mother saw that video and after she watched it she immediately confronted him but he lied about it and snatched the phone from my mom and deleted all the pictures and videos he took of me .some i didnt even know about.when he did that my mom came in and ask me had he been molesting me and it happened so unexpected i thought it was a dream but it wasnt .it took so much in me but i finally came out with it and said yes.after that he left and went into hiding and my mother called the police.after that i had to go to rape centers and talk to people about what happened and get tested for diseases and undergo lots of negative comments from my family towards me like i wanted it to happen making me feel bad because i was scared to tell anyone .after that situation finally came out i noticed my mother started being really harsh to me saying i liked what happened to me because if i didnt i wouldve told someone and she would call me out of my name and still does she even brings up the story of what happened to me to people out of the blue while im around and doesnt think that im suppose to be angry about it .she might not say thats the reason she treats me like she does to this day but i know it is.she became envious of me and treats me like im some kind of slut .and every time im around an older guy she thinks there is something going on .there was even this time during summer 2015 where i stayed with my godfathers daughter and her fiancee and he would play around with me but not in a way that made me uncomfortable or he was some sort of perv or anything.so me knowing nothing was happening and it was just fun i told my mom that we joke around and my mom said "thats her husband dont play with him like that" and all i was thinking was wtf really?...i knew for a fact that he wasnt that way because a lot of times when i would be alone with him he would treat me as if i was a little sister to him.there was one time he was playing around and i yelled out stop and he did and he asked had anyone ever touched me in a bad way and i said yes and he was like if he ever saw them he would beat their ass.after that he became more sentimental toward me and didnt play around with me as much...but my mom really treats me like shit and i know fir a fact its because what happened to me with her now ex husband...i get he was her husband but she treated and talked to me as though i was some random stranger slut sidechick or something.and for that reason u dont think my mother and i will ever have a good relationship.i also have a bf of almost 2 years and sometimes im nit comfortable with having sex with him because in the middle of him i would flash into a moment in the past of when i was molested and push him off me and nit talk to him fir the rest of the night and he would get so angry .but i finally built up the strength to tell him and when i did he become so much more overprotective of me .sometimes when he looks at me he would cry because he would think about what i told him and it makes me so sad inside