When your husband pushes you

Too the point where I really just wanna leave I dont really care if I'm over reacting or not but it has been pure hell for the last 2 and a half yrs now I've tried talking too my husband about it he does seem too really fucking give two shits we have three children and he doesnt help with them we just had a baby almost 2 months ago he was born premature but dealing with that then dealing with him going back too the hospital I guess we pushed each other way more Idk honestly but anyways this dumb shit thinks its okay too put his friends and his little drug habit before us his family that he wanted I just didnt ask for this so did he and it just seems like he wants too throw it all away over his stupid fucking friends and his habit I'm so tired of it I have thought about walking out so many times but I can't my heart tells me no dont give up my mind on the other hand says girl get the fuck outta here I do love him I love him with all my heart I just dont get it I really don't and its sad and probably fucked up of me that im always wanting too leave then sometimes I wanna get revenge I feel like Im too my breaking point and idk where too turn