Sick of people asking:
"Don't you feel robbed of your birth experience?"
I had a csection.
I ended up being put under for my csection.
I'm glad I had a csection.
I'm especially glad I was put under after 9-10 epidural and spinals failed nearly leaving me paralyzed and put me into a panic attack.
My baby was late and I went through 28 hours of induced labor before the csection needed to happen.
It was not my choice for any of it to happen, but it ended up this way and it was for the better.
I'm so tired of hearing that question!
Yes, when I think back to first meeting my baby and I can't remember it, it hurts.
It hurts when I think about the first two days with her being completely foggy and unsure of even what she looked like. But every single moment I've had with her since makes up for it.
There's a photo of our first meeting, and yes, it makes me feel terrible that I can't remember the moment and there is so little emotion on my face.
I think about waking up at one point that day, seeing my husband holding a baby and asking him, "Is that ours?" I feel awful about that- how would I think anything other than her being mine?
Yes, I'm sad I don't know what her first breath was like or her first moment of being in the world.
I feel guilty that my husband couldn't be in the room when she was born to see her first moment.
I'm glad I had the csection. A lot of awful things brought it on, and a lot of worse things made me need to be put under.
But those aren't things I want to think about as often as they're brought up.
Why does it matter to anyone else?
My baby is going to be five months this week- is there still nothing else to talk about??
😔
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