My husband and I initially agreed to wait two years to have a child. After about four months we decided to start trying for our first child. We decided to keep this to ourselves and let the pregnancy be a surprise when it came. We were so excited of the thought of being parents. I started looking up all the parenting stuff, the baby clothes, everything.

I had been on birth control for about three years. I thought, "as soon as I am off birth control, we will finally have a child."

I was completely wrong.

Within the first month, I thought I was having symptoms. I was so excited. I kept telling my husband how I felt, thinking we would be having one soon. Turns out, although I had no period, I wasn't pregnant.

I was devastated. I thought, "how am I not pregnant?" I had the symptoms, I had no period. What was wrong? I thought back to people I knew who got pregnant by accident. I was frustrated. I kept seeing people get pregnant and kept asking myself how some people could not be planning to conceive and yet it comes so naturally to them.

Then, not only was I struggling to conceive, but close friends of my husband and I kept nudging us towards the idea. However, we were still set on keeping it a secret. So we would laugh and say we were waiting.

Another month passed and another BFN. Still no period. Again they would say they can't wait for us to have children. Again, we would laugh it off.

This became routine.

Then, we found out my husband's brother's girlfriend was pregnant. It was sudden. I wanted so hard to be happy for them. But when I found out, I just wanted to cry. I thought, I must be doing something wrong. Everyone around me is getting pregnant. Then a friend of mine conceived over their honeymoon. I felt overwhelmed with sadness that I couldn't get pregnant so easily.

Three months after getting off birth control and I still had no period and still wasn't pregnant.

I started wondering what was so wrong that I couldn't even have another period?

I am now on moth four. TTC can be depressing. Especially when others around you assume that you can have a child so easily. However, the stress won't help. The depression won't help. All I can do is try and enjoy trying. And maybe, some day soon, I will get that BFP.