So after vaguely wanting to try "I wouldn't mind if you stopped taking your BC" that was a few months ago to over the weekend he knew I was PMSing AF didn't arrive until yesterday but I was bloated and cranky and we were lying in bed and he touched as he looked at my chubbed out belly and said "What is my boy in there?"....I nearly fell off my unicorn 🦄! "I'm just fat! That's not funny don't say that, you know I had a miscarriage" he straight out asked "Do you want to try?" I panicked and said "No, you already have 2 kids you don't want any more." , he asked again. "Do you want to?" "No, I'm too old." "You're only 32."

The truth is I do...but I don't want to say it. His kids from his marriage are 14 and 12, he never gets to see them because his ex-wife always makes an excuse as to why he can't fly them out or why he can't talk to them and they are rude to him on the phone they don't even call him Dad they call him by his first name , he is legit just a paycheck and benefits- so wrong. I've seen him cry over this a few times.

What is wrong with me? Why did I say no and get all defensive when I meant yes?