How Makeup Makes Me Feel

Benny • He/him, 21
So, I wear makeup (I'm a trans guy). I wear makeup for a few different reasons:
1) Applying makeup is soothing to me. It actually reduces my anxiety!
2) It really is an art form. I express myself through what's on mah face
3) Dysphoria. Contouring helps me feel like my face is more 'masculine'
BUT. I don't know why, but recently certain products/colors/looks I've done have made me feel like I was doing drag. It was like a I was assuming a persona, like I was trying to look like a girl/act like a girl in an exaggerated way.
I'm not out, so I kind of feminize my daily makeup to hide myself...and it's starting to take a toll on me. Does that make any sense? Like, I really love makeup but also makeup is making me feel gross and dysphoric.
Anybody else feeling this or is it just me??