taking a break 😔

iv had two early miscarriages in the last 3 minths, and then i didnt get pregnant this month. my husband and i have decided to take a break until august, so that he can take the right supplements during this sperm regeneration period. by taking zinc, folic acid, and vitamin c, he should have a 94% increase in normal sperm and only a 4% increase in abnormal sperm, with a 30% decrease in abnormal sperm. it takes three months for any lifestyle changes to affect the sperm, basically by waiting until the end of the sperm regeneration period In August we will be really reducing our chance of another miscarriage. it sucks having to wait, ever since I lost the last one I feel like I'm missing something, like I'm walking around missing some of my purpose in life. I do have a four-year-old daughter and of course she feels my day but when I got pregnant I saw my future with someone in it who is no longer there. and for the most part I'm OK on a daily basis I'm not upset anymore but little things will keep triggering me to feel sadness or want to cry. seeing baby shower invitations or just other people's babies in general. it's hard and I just wonder when it will stop being hard. i've been so scared to get pregnant again but I hope that waiting will take away some of my anxiety and fear of losing it again. but it's kind of a deep moment when you change your status to "avoiding pregnancy". my husband travels every week for work and I'm just kind of here feeling alone with this and I guess I just needed someone to talk to.