So I was planning to visit my boyfriend but I had to cancel the night before because if I left I would have ruined my relationship with my mom. I explained it to him that I don't want to break the relationship and he showed a nasty side of himself. 

He started saying how he'll look stupid and people there will give him pitying looks when he tells them I'm not coming. He also said that I've been stringing him along and it's obvious who is more important. He said I broke his heart and ruined his trust in me.

I realized...I can't be with this man. If he can't understand the importance of family, how can he understand me? He was my first love. And honestly, he kept me from sinking so deep into my depression. 

Life sucks.

UPDATE: broke up with him yesterday. He apologized and said he was a broken person. I tried to help him with his demons, but at the of the day, I'm not a doctor. And he wasn't sure if an outburst like that wouldn't happen again. I'm spending time by myself and it makes me lonely. But slowly, I'm noticing that some things are more enjoyable without him. I still feel love for him but I hear that's how it is with first loves. It's hard finding motivation to get out bed sometimes.