I was 5 weeks pregnant yesterday. I was trying not to get my hopes up, but I was still excited. I had been praying for this child for years.. Test after test was faint, but clear, positives. I had normal symptoms: tender breasts, fatigue, dull cramping, frequent trips to the bathroom, bloating, brown/pink spotting, and others. My whole life has been a disappointment filled with depression, personality disorders, and suicide attempts/thoughts. All I could think was: "This is it! I'm finally going to accomplish something!" The past 2 days my symptoms slowly went away and I thought it was normal. Woke up with the sudden urge to to pee and cramps like I've never had before. Pulled down my pants and they were filled with dark, red blood and clumps. It went everywhere. I couldn't even cry. I couldn't move from the toilet for fear that this is the end. Maybe I wasn't ready? Maybe something Is wrong with me? How am I supposed to move on when this was going to be the best thing to ever happen to me? I cancelled my plans for the day, and am still sitting in my dark room wishing this would end. Why? Why do these things keep happening to me? Who's going to help me through this? I should have waited to take a test. I should have taken better care of myself. I should have never gotten my hopes up. What I thought was going to be the best thing to happen, turned out to be the worst day of my life.