My pregnancy started out normal at least so I thought. I had ultrasounds at 6 weeks, 7 weeks,  and 11 weeks. My little guy looked fine and had a good heartbeat. At the beginning of my 13 week we used a fetal Doppler at home so that my dad from Germany could hear his grandson's heartbeat. We find it with no problems and everything was great. A few days before June 13 my husband and I decide to listen to baby's heartbeat. That night we couldn't find it. I tried not to think negative about it because I had heard sometimes you can find it other times you can't. June 13th started out as any normal day. I got to my prenatal appointment early. When my dr comes in she tells me I've lost a pound but that's no cause for concern because I had put on three pounds the visit before. She gets her Doppler out and tries to find baby's heartbeat. She can't find it so she tells me I'm sure baby is just moving around a lot and we will get the ultrasound machine out and see baby that way. The nurse brings in the machine and my doctor finds my baby and she's trying to get heartbeat, but nothing. After like 10 minutes she tells me there's no heartbeat and that baby only measured 13 weeks, I was 15 weeks 1 day at this appointment. I get sent to labor and delivery so that they could do another ultrasound. After the second ultrasound my dr comes in and says that the radiologist confirmed there was no heartbeat. I was told a d&c wasn't an option at this point and that I'd have to deliver my baby. At 6:30 pm I was hooked up to an iv and then at 7:00 I was given my first dose of cytotec. At 11:00 I was given the second dose and at 3:00am June 14th I was given the third dose and pain medication so I could get some sleep. I woke to very sharp painful cramps and then I felt gushing. (My dr had told me normally you'll feel intense cramps and then baby will just come out) I was afraid my baby had came so I woke my husband and told him to tell me if there was any blood. He told me no there isn't anything. So I laid back again and felt another gush. I didn't know if I had peed myself at this point or what was going on. I finally call the nurse in and she checks my cervix and tells me my water has broke. She also feels something hanging out, but couldn't determine if it was an arm or a leg. She had me push three times and at 5:30am June 14th my little Jackson was here. Aftermy nurse and dr examined him they told us he looks like he had spina bifida, his abdominal organs were outside of his body, he had 6 fingers on his right hand. My husband and I were able to hold him and love him and tell him goodbye until we were ready for the funeral home to take him. We had him cremated so he could be home with us forever. My placenta has been sent off for testing to determine if it was chromosomal. I never in a million years thought I would go through something like this. I was suppose to carry my little boy to term and hear him cry and teach him how to be good. Today marks one week and it breaks my heart. I find myself asking why a lot. Why us? Why my baby? I did everything right. I didn't drink or smoke, I cut out caffeine and soda, I drank water all the time I made sure I ate. This was my first pregnancy and I just don't understand it. My little boy is perfect to me and now I am a mommy to an angel baby.