PLEASE HELP I know it's long but please I'm desperate

Now, we obviously have had our ups and downs but mostly we were just best friends being amazing. He grew up in the ghetto area so when he is with his friends he was always a little show off and bossy but I've dealt with it. 

Now before I met him I was in an abusive and cheating relationship. And not long after that is when I met him. It was one of those out of the blue meet and didn't know it would turn into something kind of things. And it litterally HIT me and I was SO in love with him right off the back. Maybe because I was in such a bad relationship that I couldn't believe someone could be so nice. 

After awhile of living together in our apartment he started being very controlling. I wasn't allowed out of the house. Not allowed to see my family or friends. Meanwhile he left everyday to see his. I held my ground and broke up with him and moved out. He was crying and begging me to stay. But I wasn't going to be treated like that. 

2 weeks later we were back together but I told him he was not going to be how he was. He completely new his wrong in not letting do anything and letting me be me.  

 I am still living at my parents place. He ended up struggling to pay those bills at the appt. and moved into his parents as well who ended up moving a street away. 

Now, normally I wouldn't give that much info but it's kinda needed. This was over a year and a half ago and we were going strong. He dropped college and wasn't going anywhere and wanted to be a cop and all this stuff but no citizenship yet. 

Now, I brought up the military and he was not into it at first but then pondered it and then ended up wanting to do it. Now he is just waiting to get called to swear in. In the mist of all of this he has treated me so prefect and never controlling how he did. 

We did however have some fall outs but always came back. The only main thing was he is one of those people that puts stress on someone else. So he had to loose so much weight and the recruiter was always changing stuff on him and it was stressful but he did it. So all the stress takes a toll on our relationship. 

I love him so much but lately he's been so rude and hurtful. He has always been the kind to insult during a convo or argument but never this bad. 

He has a new job with a moving company and he is out of town a lot and I see him once a week but he is always tired and he feels im complaining to much and he just isn't ever in the mood for anything. 

He calls me every night on the road but they are quick calls. Just this week tho he was very distant. Now I KNOW he wouldn't cheat. So I never bring it up. But obviously I miss him when he is away because he is my everything. But to him he sees everything so negatively. He thinks I'm clingy which I am but I'm not to that extent. Yes I'll tell you i miss you but like I'm being cute about it I thought. Yes I text you but I mean I'm just talking to you. Idk. 

I called him last week while away and I had such a bad day and I was crying just wishing he was with me to hug me. And he just tells me to suck it up and he will be there soon and says what do you think it's going to be like when he's gone on deployment and basic. But it's different. Now I'm able to call him. Later I know he is better if himself and not able to be contacted. To me it's different. I've had many people I know and love go through military so I know how it is.  

When he got home, he came to pick me up and wasn't happy to see me. I knew it was because he was tired so I didn't say anything. But on top of that he didn't say ANYTHING to me the whole ride to get Taco Bell (he was hungry) and to his house and he went straight to sleep. (I spent the night because we love to cuddle and sleep together. Something about just having him near me sleeping is perfect.) I didn't think much of it (no convo and sleep right away) but obviously I missed him so it was just sad he wasn't happy or talkative how he used to be.  But I knew he was tired. 

He wakes up and asked what's wrong because it's 3am and I'm awake still so I just tell him. I tell him I know he was tired and everything but I was just making sure everything was okay because he didn't seem happy when he saw me. He said "I was fucking tired as fuck" I said I know I'm just making sure because it kinda hurt me because I was SO excited to see you and all happy and all you say was hi and nothing else and no convo and no smiles.  He was mad at me for asking. 

Now. I don't even know how it ended up getting to this eccelade but it did. He said he has been tied down for 8 years and hasn't had a lot of time to find himself. He has changed a lot over those 8 years so I understand that completely. But I also know him being in the military is what is going to help him find himself. So I was saying he can find himself around the world and it's not a crime for you to have me and still find yourself because I'm not going to stand in the way of that. 

I know the myth is that you can't love another unless you love yourself. And another is that you need to be alone to find yourself. Which I don't believe either to be true. Only for the fact that I have sever depression and I don't love myself but I would do anything for everyone else and especially anything for him. And I know that if you find the right person they can help you find yourself. 

 He then ended up telling me he doesn't want to settle down now or maybe even at all, and to find someone who will fit my needs and that he doesn't see a female in the future. This crushed me. He always told me how much he loves me. And Always tells me he wants me forever.

Now, I did see him change over the course of our relationship and he gave me a promise ring before and we used to talk about the future and everything. And I don't know how someone goes from seeing everything with me to nothing with anyone in a matter of a few months. 

Now, this was a few days ago and we haven't ended things and he hasn't said anything about it. He is out of town again and I am hurt. I litterally have a heart ach and the conversation of him saying those things play over and over in my mind. 

He's all I have. When he was controlling awhile back I had to drop everyone because I had to keep cancelling on them so I have no friends. He is litterally the only person I have. So obviously I don't want things to end. But not only because of that but also because if I write a Pro and con list my pros are I'm in love with him and he treats me right when he is physically with me. And no matter how many cons I have those are enough for me. It's when he is away when the problems occur. And not because I'm complaining but because he is a very infront of me it matters if not it doesn't kind of person. 

I just don't know what to do anymore. I don't want to break up because we were once amazing. But I can't shake the feeling of being scared that he is going to drop me for no reason out of no where and I'm terrified for that. 

I know I can find someone else if I wanted to and that's not the problem. The problem is that I'm wrapped around his finger and I would give him anything and everything. I would lay down my life for him if I had to and I don't feel like I have the same in return. I KNOW he loves me. But I don't always FEEL it. 

I know my love language is time and talk. Which I have told him that. I don't need reassurance but once in awhile saying you love me first or saying u miss me or saying how much I mean to you is nice. And I don't get that at all. I'm literally just here and I have to ask for an i love you. 

I guess I just don't know what to do anymore. I want him and I choose him but he's trying to tell me not to but he doesn't break up with me.