I've been in love with this guy for 3 1/2 years, ever since we met in college. After two years we started seeing each other, unofficially. Just about a year ago we made things official. A lot of things happened and we decided that our relationship was unhealthy so we ended things to work on ourselves and hopefully come back together. Have any of you been through this and had it turn out okay? I feel hopeless and completely alone. We're still friends, he's the best friend I've ever had. How do I pretend I'm not dying on the inside?

So I posted this 6/23/2017. Today it’s 5/26/20. I was going through my old posts and came across this, so I figured I’d update anyone who cares.

We got back together 2 weeks later. Not “officially,” but exclusively with each other and taking things slow. And I’m retrospect, we probably should’ve waited longer. Things were pretty rocky and still unhealthy for like 2 years. We tried taking breaks but always ended up back within a few hours. We fought a lot.

About a year ago we finally started to get it together. We figured out how communicate in a healthy way. We learned that we have different ways of dealing with stress. We had to build trust back up on both sides. We’ve learned how to listen to understand, not listen to respond.

I can honestly say that we are closer, happier, stronger, and more in sync than ever. We discovered we have the same love language-physical touch. And we use it. We’re always touching in some way, my family even picks on us for holding hands all the time. It was hard work, on both ends. And we still have work to do. It takes working on yourselves individually and as a couple. One thing we learned is we have a different “stress language.” When he’s stressed he wants to be alone, when I’m stressed I want him. This caused many problems as he’d want to be left alone and I clung on tighter. Once we talked this through we found ways to compromise. He’ll send “❤️❤️” so I know he’s safe, just can’t or doesn’t want to talk. I don’t blow his phone up, I give him time to cool down. And we talk about what’s stressing us and what, if anything, we can do to help. We tell each other what we need in that moment. I’ll ask him “would you prefer a picture of my face, picture of my ass, to talk, or some space to relax.” I respect his answer. When he’s ready we talk through it. As time goes on the amount of time he needs space is dwindling. It used to be a few hours, now it’s generally 20-30 minutes. He games, smokes a howl, and then comes back to talk. Learning our “stress languages” (I don’t know if that’s a thing) was a HUGE step.

If you think your relationship is with saving, FIGHT. This doesn’t go for abuse or cheating. My boyfriend and I were never abusive in anyway. No name calling, minimal yelling, and absolutely no violence of any mind. We also never cheated. We were just not mentally ready for a relationship. But I’m forever grateful I didn’t give up. I didn’t think I’d ever know this level of happiness, and I know that as we continue to grow so will our happiness. I cannot wait for that. But until then I’ll enjoy every moment of our happiness now. ❤️

K