what changed after a miscarriage for you?

I no for a lot of people having a miscarriage is hard, and it's not really spoken about. For me all my miscarriages were hidden under the carpet by my family. But what I'd like to no is what changed after losing a baby? Physically and mentally. 
Abit of info about me is I constantly have to wear pads now because I don't feel like I have full control of my bladder, is it just me? Or do you have to deal with this? 
my first miscarriage was may 2016 and then December 2016, it was heart breaking for me and I still am not dealing with what happened, I get jealous of seeing people post scan photos and seeing mums and baby's when I'm out. Does this feeling ever leave? I never got to have a scan photo.
Please tell me what it's like for you? We can all support each other x