How do I stop feel stop feeling discouraged?

So I was the type of person that never wanted to have kids because I lost my mom when I was 3 and I never wanted my kids to go through what I went through... I always had it stuck in my head that I would pass at a young age like my mom did, she was only 30. I'm 22 now and my boyfriend is 32 and we've been together for almost 3 years now...

I don't have anyone to talk to about these things but this is my first month TTC and I keep discouraging myself. There are days I feel like I might be pregnant already, even though I know it's too early to tell, so I take a test and it comes back negative then I start doubting myself.. My period isn't supposed to start for another week.. How do I keep the positivity going? I'm hoping to be pregnant before the end of the year..