TL;DR, I'm sure  so in love with my boyfriend of five years. and I know he's so in love with me. we've made so many mistakes in the past. I recently came back to him. Both saying we're ready to change for the better for us, Yada yards you know the dealio, and when I came back, shit was good for a few weeks. But it's just Fallin back into the same patterns. We scream. We fight. We say hurtful things. I found out he started talking to someone. Through text. He said it wasn't anything. But I could see the motive behind it. And all he does is apologize. I wanna be with you. I wasn't thinking straight. I didn't do anything. But the texts. That's doing something wrong from the jump. Idk how two people can love each other so much but be so miserable and unhappy. It really really fucking hurts to say goodbye. But we just keeping breaking each other outta what? Love? I know love ain't supposed to be like this. But damn, without him, I don't feel. Him without me, it's like dying. It's so so fucking hard. My heart and soul ache. Laying next to him the last few days I'm here, just looking at his skin, touching him, it hurts to know that soon, he won't be next to me. God. I don't know how to do this. What's even worse? I'm contemplating staying. But I know that just degrades my self worth. That makes it look like no matter what he does, how many times we hurt each other, that I'll always be there, and he will always be there. But that's not how it's supposed to be. God, if you're real, please give me direction.