Am I the only one that has weird and random thoughts? I think about existing a lot..why I exist and I feel like I only exist to die. We go to school, work until our bodies are falling apart and then we die. 

Sometimes I feel like life is meaningless. 

It's so fucking weird how we just get thrown into existence without our consent and we are molded and shaped into what the world views as acceptable and good. Not that this is exactly bad but that's exactly how it is. 

I kinda want to go live in the mountains where I can pretend nobody exists. I would literally grow my own food if I could and just chill in a cabin with a nice view until I die. 😂 sometimes I genuinely feel like I do not belong here. 

I feel so minuscule so worthless and not in a self hate kinda way. Like I am only one tiny human in a world with billions in a universe that's so vast and that universe is nothing compared to what lies beyond that. When I think about this, I am nothing.  and I don't want to be anything either. I really don't want anything that has to do with this world. I hate it here but I accept it. I tolerate it. I am not searching for a purpose. I am not depressed. My mind just feels endless sometimes and I don't want to shut it off because what am I without my mind? Atleast I am blessed with the ability to think this far, i feel like the majority don't have that ability. 

And this world is so hateful. Constant fighting about crap that won't matter when we die or even 100 years from now. War, destruction, genocide. People acting like they value life but genuinely do not give a shit about the horrible things that happen to large amounts of people across the globe simply because it does not affect them and their family whatsoever, but I promise would beg for what they wouldn't give if they were unfortunate enough to need it. I don't want to be a part of this. If aliens are real, they probably haven't destroyed us yet because they know we are already destroying ourselves and they're probably sitting back and enjoying the show. Also, what if we just die and go away. What if there is no after life, we die and that is the solid end of us. We decay, become a different form of matter and energy and we are done.  I might seem like a nut job and I probably am 🤷‍♀️ that's fine.  Sorry for my immense thoughts and rambling, I just feel things to deeply.