I was too ashamed to talk about it with my friends, so I confided in my coworker, and that is to this day the biggest regret I have. 

She had been trying to conceive for 9 years when I told her that.

 I'll never forget the look on her face when I told her I considered abortion. I got everything she ever wanted "by accident" and was ready to give it away just like that?  Every month, for NINE years, she yearned for a bundle of life to stick with her for the long run and was shut down repeatedly, but the 19 year old was blessed with one because she was careless? I saw the pain in her eyes as she was trying to comfort me. I'll never stop thinking about it, because I am certain she will never forget that moment either.

I kept the child. She is an amazing two year old now and I thank god everyday that I took the right decision. I am still with her father and we even decided to add an other member to our family. I got pregnant within two months of trying, because life had to make me the lucky fertile one again. 

We are still facebook friends, but don't talk much. I know she is still waiting for that rainbow baby to stick and it breaks my heart. 

I just want to shout it in the universe in hopes that she'll hear: I'M SORRY! 

I'm sorry for stabbing your open wound, for not having appreciated enough the gift life gave me but you needed. I'm sorry for breaking your heart and for having you envy me. I'm sorry that life isn't fair to you, I know you would be an amazing mom. 

I just want you to know that I do understand how lucky I am now, and that I do love my children as much as you would love yours. 

I have talked to my husband, he is not yet convinced, but I will keep trying to convince him. I can't talk to the real you right now about this, but if he does agree to it, I will make you an offer. 

If you are still trying for your rainbow baby by then, I can carry it for you (if you want me to).

I'm sending all my baby dust your way K., you deserve to be a mom.❤️