would this be a bad idea
*sorry this is kind of long*
so i'll try to make this part short, but my boyfriend and i still live at home with our parents but we also rent a room due to his job. the reason we don't stay at the house where we rent a room full time is because we don't really know anyone in the area and home for us is like an hour away and he only works monday-thursday and then we go home for the weekend. the reason i'm here is because the room he rents is 10 minutes away from the college i go to, during the school year i was depressed and crying everyday because i was alone and away from home until he had to move closer for work and i felt 100X better just having someone i knew and loved close by, plus i got to stay with him instead of on campus which was really just not a good place for me. when summer came even though i had the option to go back home, all i could think about was how miserable i was being alone and didn't want him to go through the same thing all summer so i decided to stay with him.
ok, that's the backstory now hopping to my issue today and why i'm upset. so since i decided to stay down here with him, on my hunt for a job, our roommate said she needed pretty much a permanent babysitter for the summer, so it's a really easy job considering i don't have to leave the house and i only have to watch her monday through thursday. but her mom didn't need me to watch her monday through wednesday because of the holiday, and because of the holiday my boyfriend had the whole week off. i still had to come down tonight (wednesday) to watch her tomorrow (thursday)
before leaving i asked my boyfriend if he would come with me, i know he doesn't really enjoy being away from home, and i figured he would say no but i still asked. he said sorry but no i'd rather not go if i have the choice, like i thought he would and at first i was like "ok whatever i'll see you when i get back" and then when i was in the car i just bursted into tears crying and at first i didn't know what was wrong but i could stop crying and in the back of my head i just kept hearing this voice saying "you would do it for him"
i spent the whole hour drive crying because all i could think was "he knows if he asked me to come with him so he wouldn't have to be alone, i would do it without hesitating" and then i realized it wasn't even an if, there's no hypothetical about it, i've literally decided to spend my whole summer with him because i love him so much it hurts me to think about him having to be alone, but he couldn't do it for one night.
so as i was driving and crying thinking about this particular situation, a few other sort of similar situations came to mind where he made me upset for the same reason, where i felt like there's something simple he wouldn't do for me, that he knows i would for him. there was only like three other things, but i never said anything and they still bothered me.
i have a very hard time letting someone know when they hurt me, i don't know what's wrong with me, it's like i either have to try and pretend i'm not hurt by it so that i don't come across as overreacting, or i have to try to be laid back, i feel like i'm going to hurt other people by letting them know they hurt me, and a lot of times i just tell myself i'll get over it if i just spend a little time by myself, so there's no point in bringing it up, and also i just cant really talk about stuff like this without crying so i think if i don't talk about it i won't have a reason to cry
but tonight as i was driving when i realized i was still upset about something from like 9 or 10 months ago the whole "i'll get over it on my own" method i've adapted to isn't really a good one.
he always tell me that i need to tell him if he does something that upsets me that way he knows what he did so he can make sure not to do it again and he can't fix a problem if he doesn't know there's a problem, and i understand but i'm truthfully like that with everyone and i'm trying harder to not be that way so much
so anyway, i'm trying to start letting people know when they've done something to me that made me upset, when i see him tomorrow i kind of wanted to sit down and tell him what he did tonight that upset me, and also tell him the few things that were kind of in the past that way i can just finally let them go and i really just need to get it off of my chest while i'm at it, but at the same time i feel like they were so long ago and he wouldn't even remember what i'm talking about and i kinda think there's no point
so i don't know if when i see him i should tell him what upset me tonight along with the other things that i've been kind of harboring for a while, just tell him what's upsetting me currently, or if i'm just overreacting and should try to let it go
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