Have you ever lost someone close and it changed you dramatically? If so, how?

Almost 5 years ago I had a very close friend of mine pass away due to him hanging hisself (accidentally). I will never forget the day. The night he died was the last time I seen him. And one of the last people he seen. Him and my other neighbor came down to my house for some food (we all smoked pot, so we always had the munchies). Apparently he was still hungry so he made a midnight run to our local gas station and that was the last time I ever seen him. That following morning, I went to school, as well as my other neighbor. I was sitting in 1st period when I got a text from my other neighbor saying our friend hung himself. I was stoned, and I don't know why but I thought he was still alive. So it honeslty didn't phase me until our principle announced on the intercom that he had pasted away. He had a pretty common name so I thought it was someone else, until my friends looked at me and asked if I was ok. I was like "yeah why?". And they had to tell me about 3 times till I comprehended. I couldn't cry because of me being high. I remember someone coming and pulling me out of class because they wanted me to be apart of his prayer group. I of course didn't attend because I would definitely get emotional over that. I texted my mom and told her to come get me. It took her over an hour to do so. So I had to sit through class. Hardest thing ever when you got so much on your mind. Whenever my mom finally got there, I went to leave and whenever I walked through the halls, I kid you not there was at least 20 people in each hallway bawling their eyes out. That was the worst thing I've ever seen. I barely made it out the door then that's when I started to cry. Maybe because it was finally hitting me, idk. Well on the way back home my boyfriend at the time texted me "so glad he passed away, now I want have to worry". My boyfriend was overly jealous and was a major douche. I didn't break up with him because I was stupid. But I remember that pissing me off more then anything. Well going up my road, there was so many cops, ambulances and cars on our road due to his passing. A few hours later, my friends mom got her out of school and brought her up to my house because my friend was really good friends with him to. I remember bawling our eyes out together while our mom's hugged us. That's definitely something I won't forget. đź’— I remember us saying "it still doesn't seem real", when we all knew he was gone. Ever since then, I wasn't the same. I realized how quick someone can go in just a blink of an eye. And ever since then I never held a grunge against someone. That day completely changed me. And a lot of other people to.....