I have such a beautiful beautiful blessing coming a baby girl due next month august mid august. Me and my love have been going through so much preparing for her. I have always been a hard worker ever since i was a kid like if i could work and make money from it i wanted to do it. Ive always kept two jobs or so and up until i was 6 months in my pregnancy i was doing that working two jobs and just working constantly. I started to bleed and have decreased fetal movement. My entire world fell apart for me. My boyfriend has had a hard time getting a job due to his record he has had jobs but they all end up not giving him as many hours. Its hard now i stopped working for my pregnancy which is fine that day when i almost lost the one thing ive been working extremly hard for basically felt worst than anything ive ever experienced so im taking it easy as easy as possible trying to stay stress free. My boyfriend recently lost his janky job which didnt pay him for all the hours he worked in the pay period and cut us short of 300 dollars saying it was on him. So now neither of us have a job and the government wont help us at all to just pay this months rent until we can find something again. They told us we arent elgible for help until we find a job..... Yet i know a few people who go up there and lie and get money instantly. We do a bit of self employment now but we just started and it doesnt bring in enough for anything. We are trying but it scares me to think we wont have any of this soon. No place for our baby and im just scared ok and i cant break down i have to stay strong everyones calling me for help for themselves snd i stopped answering because i cant not right now im barely making it how do i help someone else? People bashed me for working so hard pregnant and putting my child in danger now im still trying but not as hard and i feel like a worst mother than before i feel like she deserves a different family because we cant pull everything together but it would be nothing without her. I know everything falls apart in your life to redirect you to your calling in this world but gosh this shit hurts. Yes things like this hurt to make me stronger but men... I cant talk about it to much or cry about it because i have to stay focused so this is just my rant. I know my daughter knows im trying i know she feels my hope. The craziest part is i was homeless last year this time after loosing my place. Just a rant.