I am too obsessive...

Hey all. Super personal issue so I posted anonymously. Just looking for some encouragement. I tend to not let go of things. 'Bad' things. Specifically, last year came up on my Timehop today and reminded me of something I hadn't forgotten anyway. Just a simple dinner that led to a weekend of heart pulling sadness. I had suspected something of my husband and he readily admitted and apologized profusely. For days. No real need for details, but it's porn related. (Please please please don't tell me I should be ok with it and I'm too insecure - that is not how our relationship works, thank you for respecting that) I of course forgave him, because he's amazing, but it doesn't mean I wasn't hurt deeply. I found out I was pregnant after infertility issues about a week later. I obviously was a bit distracted and moved on as best I could, quickly. It's still bothers me periodically when it crosses my mind, but I never ever bring it up. It's the past and he doesn't need that nor do I. But here's the reminder on the app and it sat with me all day. Like a weight. I've tried to ignore it and be good with me and our family. So fast forward to this evening, after baby goes to sleep, hubs and I start fooling around. I got super insecure with myself. I tried to push through it. I've been having a really hard time with my appearance since giving birth anyway. It just went up several notches tonight. Well I guess he could tell I was off, because he got frustrated and couldn't continue mid way through! He blamed me quickly by saying it's too difficult when I am showing dissatisfaction. My heart just cracked and I left the room.

Basically, I'm angry with myself because I can't just let things go. I remember everything. It's like an illness. I could tell him what happened, but I feel like I'm rehashing something we put behind us. Why can't I move on and just live now and love better? I know I've caused a problem with my after baby insecurities, and now I've added a lovely amount of heat to that fire. Any words of advice on this long-winded and petty issue is so appreciated.