Every night is the same. I lay you down and you sigh before rolling to your belly, I stay next your crib for a while longer after your eyes have fallen closed and your breathing slows to rhythmic calm. I think back to my life before you and I'm overwhelmed by sadness. As I close your door and walk to my bedroom I glance at your daddy feeling the same sadness as before. I start to pick up your toys that are evidence of a full day of fun and still the sadness remains. The sadness isn't a yearning for my past life but more of a pity on my past life. A life where I thought I knew love and wholeness. A life where my future was just at arms length. A life of unseen darkness with out you in it. A life of ignorance that one day my future would look like her daddy and wave hi instead of bye. A life where I look forward to waking up to your smile. I'm sad because past me will never know the love I do now. But I am overjoyed that I feel the completion and love I feel every time you're in my arms. Every night I cry because one day you won't be sleeping in your crib you'll be sleeping in your own house but at least I know the love you have given me.