My Man Slept with Prostitutes Behind My Back.

Please help - just supportive and emotional help please. I cannot tolerate any bashing of my stupidity. Sorry this is a little long but the drama is mostly to he end. Pleas help me with advice.

I recently had a baby with my boyfriend if 3 years. The baby is 1 now. I also have 2 other kids whose father was not in their life, but pretty much only know my ex BF as a father figure. When I first met him he told me he has been cheated on with his ex and how she was a slut and a cheater and she treated him bad while they lived together. I thought it was horrible. Apparently she hates him now and gives him evil looks when she saw him. But with that background- let's fast forward. So throughout our relationship I noticed he drinks a lot and also liked a lot of sex but nothing I couldn't handle. I also noticed he flirted. we fought a lot because of these things but remained. Amongst our fighting when I was 6 month pregnant he cheated on me with someone - he says it was only a BJ with someone from a bar but I never believed him. I thought it had to be the hookers at the massage places as he told me he went to when he was a single man and going through the pain his ex put him in.

We went to counseling and we had a hard time for a while but the. Decided to try to work it out for our child. FAST FORWARD AGAIN. For the last year I've given my all and tried to be a great woman to him while being a great mother to my kids despite stress. I fulfilled ALL of his sexual fantasies and I am a very attractive woman. I have three boys ,5"4, 115 pounds, petite and athletic tones. Recently he was accusing me of sleeping with someone - I have no idea why. I'm thinking because I refused sex to him the last few time because he was doing me differently than he normally does. (Sorry if TMI) I would ask him all the time and he would say he isn't doing anything behind my back and that he cheated only that one time. So for the last 6 months I decided to trust him and that was my way of putting my all on this relationship. Then last Sunday upon him accusing me of heating he asked to see my phone. I showed him and I grabbed his iPad. Immediately my heart dropped. I cried- tears flowed like crazy. I wanted to throw up. I saw for the last 6 months different offers and rates of prostitutes like every other week m. $200, $160, 100, 300, 59, 250, and more. I scrolled down his iPad - my heart pounding. I counted atleast 15-20 but could only confirm 3 he slept with because I didn't have time to recall the full text threads. I saw that he was nee in at hotels and that they were coming to his place. I sleep in the bed and so does our son at times!! I felt sick. I started having a panic attack. I couldn't believe how many there were.

He kept hold me while I was crying saying sorry. First he lied and said he slept with none then he said two. I don't believe anything. I could even get off the floor. I was delirious. He said it wasn't cheating because he didn't have feelings for them and we had some problems sometimes. Then he said he didn't sleep with them all. Then he said the one that came to his place he didn't let on because they looked different than photo! I wanted to scream!!!! I did actually. But my kids were around and I couldn't get it together for the life of me.

When I got home I took all sheets off my bed. Jumped in the shower threw all my kids in the tub and cried. I also got STD checked. Waiting for results.

For the last four days he texted me here and there asking to talk. Telling me he sort that it was all he could say. He said he knows I won't believe him and he would feel bad to even want to be together again because he does want to be tortured with my suspicions ( are you kidding me ?? Like your the victim ???) I have ignored every message. I cry every day. I feel dirty. I feel betrayed, contaminated. I feel like trash. Like he just said " Fuck our son". He put my health at risk. The dumb part is if course him. If my love was never real I could say I love him now. But I do love him and is want to be a family with him and have a life together but I don't know if I can forgive this. I don't know if he deserves any chances. He put his dick in them!! And spent money for it !

Today he asked me if I want to see him. I ignored him. I do want to see him everyday for the rest of my life, but at the same time I don't think he deserves me or our son and he should suffer. Yesterday he asked if I want to go to a concert. I ignored him.

But I also keep crying because he was my love. Part of my family which I am building. He is my heart and how could he risk all

Of this for THAT.

Please give me advice. Sorry that it's so long.