I'm very embarrassed of the fact I was severely sexually abused from ages 2-10 by a close family member that's why this is anonymously. I know I shouldn't be, but I am. Anyways, I told my parents about what was happening to me when I was 10 and I was sent to see the school counselor who I guess told my parents I was fine mentally and don't need therapy. Well here I am an adult(31) and still have I guess flash backs, I can't sleep on silk or satin high thread count sheets cuz that's what he always had on his bed. I literally try and find the worst thread count I can. I don't want to say I'm a sex addict cuz I can abstain from sex, but I crave sex all the time and make my self sick if I don't have sex often. It's like I've been straight kicked in the vagina and sometimes have to use ice packs to help with the pain. I've never seen sex as something you have with someone you love. I've aloud men in my adult years to pressure me into sex cuz of fear of what would happen if I didn't consent. I also like really rough, borderline abusive sex. I can't have my hands grabbed and held or my arms held in a restraining manner. I feel like I'm damaged sometimes. I've been with my SO for years and we have 3 children together 2 are biologically his one is not but my sons Dad has never even tried to see him. He disappeared when I was 3mths pregnant. I've never told my SO about my child hood. I fear he will look at me differently. I tend to bottle things up. I sometimes feel I should tell him before we get married, but I am so embarrassed and disgusted over it and what if he can't handle it? I will be a single mother of three kids and still be forced to see him and feel like a complete failure cuz of something that happened in my past that I had no control over. Should I tell him? Is it wrong if I don't? How would I even begin to bring it up?! If you got this far thanks for reading.