It was March of 2017.

I was drinking with my boyfriend and went back to my dorm. He had been waiting by my door.

He saw I could barely stand. He picked me up. I said no and tried to get away but I was too drunk.

I woke up the next morning in front of my dorm with a video of him assaulting me while I was passed out on my phone.

I reported it to the Dean of students. Begged her to keep him away from me. She gave me a no contact order. But that didn't stop him from spreading the video.

I was called a whore, a slut, and told I was worthless.

My therapist who had encouraged me to report it told me not to be surprised if nothing happened.

I had to tell my story to every administrator on campus, and then was told there wasn't enough evidence. (Aka his dad is one of the biggest benefactors of our university.)

The Dean of Students apologized.

I barely survived.

I came back to my room and broke everything in my site. Because for the rest of my life, I have to live with this. I have to live knowing I'm not going to be able to have kids because of the damage, and that I'm broken while he gets to walk off scotch free and do this to someone else AGAIN.

Now I'm stuck in a state of constant limbo.

We're about to be back in school together again and he smugly smiles at me every time he passes.

I don't know if I can do this and I don't know how to tell my partner why I'm terrified to go back to school.