Alright.

A little history:

Back in december 2016 my husband and i conceived our first baby. It wasn't planned, actually we were trying everything tp avoid it besides BC (i had an impant that caused health problems). At the tine we both worked in a UC unit lab in a high stress hospital, and were living at home to take care of my mum who is currently on peritoneal-dialysis and facing brain surgery, oral surgery, and a kidney transplant. In the midst my biological father was divorcing her and attempting to strip everything from not only my mother, but myself and my husband. Threatening attacks, attempting to sieze property belonging to myself or my husband, refusing to pay allimony so all the bills would default, ect. This resulted in her being dependant on us financially. Finally our brand new car got totalled with no gap insurance.

in early febuary we miscarried.

The baby died at 10.5wks, but we found out at our 12wk ultrasound. I had two seperate D&C's due to a medical mistake by the moronic OB/GYN. I bled for 20 days.

After we began to focus on one another. We moved out, i got a new job, and my mother sold the house and the divorce is ending.

We started trying again at the end of May, and 2 days ago i got a positive pregancy test.

I had suspected earlier, but was trying to wait to test as long as i could so maybe my heart would break less if old AF showed up a few weeks down the road. I couldn't wait though. This was so important to me, such a big thing that i felt i had been waiting for forever. After all the pain, the longing...i felt like i had a second chance.

We did a lot of healing, a lot of growing before deciding to try again. It was hell; it was so fucking hard. I didn't know something could hurt in so many ways, and have such a hold over me with barely a life conceived. But we came out the other side apreciating the creation of life and knowing what we wanted. We had been unsure and unhappy in the beginning. Now all we want is a family. A baby.

We are in a totally different headspace now. Nothing can phase us, and we are ready for whatever is next with this second pregnancy, good or bad.

However.... i can only be around 3-4wks at the most. My husband is very wary of this new pregnancy, and doesn't want to acknowledge it or talk about it until we are in our "safe zone" (12wks). I understand it, and i feel the same, however i have to live through every moment up until our "safe zone" alone and pregnant. Im just as scared as he is. I wish i could shut off the nasuea, the back aches, the sore pelvis and cramps. But i can't. I have to sleep, work, and live with every moment the little ball of cells grows bigger inside me. Or doesnt and it all ends again.

So my question is:

Is it wrong that i want just the two of us to be excited about the pregnancy even if it all goes bad early? I need support with how terrifying this is But he doesnt want to talk about it at all. How do i handle this?