My questions are, are there any other women out there who are suffering with infertility/ recurrent miscarriages and have a partner with a child or children from previous relationships?

Do you have a success story? Or any advice on how to handle the situation, or to talk to your partner without putting them in a difficult position?

**My story and Rant**

So I'm currently going through my third miscarriage, I found out Friday at my third scan at 8 weeks that baby's heart had stopped beating. This is a pretty difficult situation on it's own, women who have gone through a miscarriage know it's not easy and there's so many stages before you truly deal with it.

It's safe to say I'm not coping well if at all, I have moments where I'm fine, moments when I just cry all the sudden, I still get morning sickness, I still get those cravings, there's denial where the process is incomplete.

I'm a mother whose pregnant, with a dead baby.

That thing has started when all the adverts are baby related, all the woman I see are pregnant or look it, all the couple's are pushing prams and playing with kids, social media is full of success stories and friends pregnancy announcements, I even saw just an abandoned push chair for goodness sake.

My biggest problem is, my partner has a child from a previous relationship, it's a complicated story and in all we don't get to see his son. But where this is my third miscarriage, third loss, third Angel, this is his first loss, and he's coping in a "we will just try again" "it'll happen next time". But I've now got the opportunity to go through reoccurring miscarriage testing to see if there are any problems or complications. This is good news because that means I can finally find out what's going wrong, it's bad because I'm so afraid of the results, I'm 24, I don't want to be told I can't have my own children.

He isn't quite understanding how the loss process works, he believes the doctors when they say "It's just like a heavy period"

Let me tell you that advice is crap from someone whose probably never had a miscarriage. Maybe there are woman who have a "tame" miscarriage like a period. My miscarriages? They involve so much bleeding that I can no longer stand, so much pain I'm fighting against passing out, I was hospitalized, and put on monitors and prepared for blood transplants, because my blood pressure was 47/52, I didn't have one anymore. I was violently sick, in agony, and my ex had left me to deal with that alone.

I love my Fiance so much, but it's hard for me to talk to him about this, I'm tired of hearing "don't be silly it'll be okay" at the end of the day the horrible way I'm seeing it is, if I can't have children, I'm just stuck as a women who will never hold her own baby, and in my eyes, he already has a son, so children aren't as big a deal for him.

We'd both love a baby together, but it would ruin me if I couldn't give him that knowing another woman already has.

I'm jealous, and envious, of course I am, unfortunately his ex is not a nice girl, she has threatened me, my family and she refused my friendship, she smashed up my partners car attacked his mother, and she purposely fell pregnant to attempt to trap him. Shes one of those women who can drink, smoke, dye her hair, eat what she wants through pregnancy and still have a beautiful healthy baby. She hadnt had a job in years and chose to fall pregnant to stop getting one so the government could pay for her, and still stop the father from seeing said child. But I'm just jealous she has a baby, and I can't even stay pregnant longer than 11 weeks.

Yes we've gone to the police for the threats and violence, it's a case of she's a single mother, she gets the benefit of the doubt. (Apparently this is a thing?) Its pathetic and sad i think that of her i know, remember im at that stage of "why is that person more deserving of a child than i am".

In an ideal world, she accepts he and I are together, and we could be friends and support each other, but she doesn't want that.

*****

Thank you in advance for reading the story, any support, advice or answers to my questions. I'm just feeling lost and alone.